Lap Dancer
Lapdancing the recession proof phenomenon
Places like Spearmint Rhino today are becoming as acceptable places for single men to be spotted in. Being spotted in one of these establishments today is no more unusual than bumping into your friend in ASDA.
In fact it is so acceptable today that only last weekend as part of my research I found myself in a lush Spearmint Rhino paying £20 to look at various varieties of lady garden.
Whilst you might not think that in itself is particularly unusual the fact that I was looking at my ex girlfriends garden does somewhat add a dimension of surrealism and underline the paradigm shift in society today.
Not wishing to “awaken the jealous giant within” my first observation is that this accessibility and social acceptance allows your current girlfriend today to become a stripper tomorrow. No more are strippers covered in tattoos and look like cross dressers called Patrick; they are perfectly normal, attractive and intelligent girls with ordinary jobs.
Five years ago whilst co habiting with the girl who danced for me this weekend, the notion of her being nude in public was a preposterous idea. Today, she sees this like any other job; a means to an end. And whilst you might be thinking your girlfriend would rather die than be a stripper, think again. I thought the same 5 years ago.
Helped by the bright spark who announced that throwing yourself around a chrome cylinder was an acceptable form of cardio and the fact that people can buy home pole kits in B+Q it’s no wonder that the waitress who serves you food at 7pm is serving you bosom at 1am. We could therefore easily term this new pastime as Lap dance 2.0 (or in other words, something that everyone is doing ‘cause it’s cool)
Now that we have established this new culture of lap dance 2.0 I want to explore my next findings.
The reason the women do this is clear, and that is because it is a very lucrative business. Whilst John is falling madly in love with a girl called Candy, two of her colleagues are in the dressing room using phrases like “spend per head” and “customer retention”. Some of these performers then are not only performing by taking off their clothes, but also fooling you into thinking they haven’t a morsel of intelligence. For £20 then you’re getting tits, fanny and an ingenious web of horrific lies.
The greatest of these elaborate acts transforms genius business men by day into dribbling buffoons by night, returning week after week completely believing that Candy has a genuine interest them. Hooked correctly, these men are oblivious that is her profession to patiently and diligently extract as much of their net worth as humanly possible.
Knowing all these facts it’s surprising that any man would subject himself to this, and even when he does how is a man supposed to act when he is receiving one of these performances?
Ordinarily alpha males like to be in control but yet under extreme lap dance pressure they change into something very different. Suddenly men aren’t sure what to do with their hands. Not sure where to look. And definitely don’t know what to say. All of this renders the man looking like a cross between a child in detention and someone with a lazy eye.
They will consider popular phrases such as; “look at the face and that’s a waste of money, look at the vulva and that’s a pervert”. They will actually consider the possibly if the girl ever gets aroused, they will calculate if they got “extra attention” and will always wonder if they are the best looking man they have been danced for that night.
Arguably then there are three performances underway then. The dance, the lie, and the man doing his best to conceal the above.
The final question is still unanswered and that is: in this new game, whose game is it? Whilst a stripper once proclaimed “it’s a woman’s world”, this game would not exist without players, so is the lap dancer being exploited or the customer?
Whatever your opinion one things for sure, love it or loath it it’s here to stay
Welcome Lap dance 2.0 the new social pastime. Let’s just hope you don’t bump into your mum.
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